Cold hands, warm shart.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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