I have demons in me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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