Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
