Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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