We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize