So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
