He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
