sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
