in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
