Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
