please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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