Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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