Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
