I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
