I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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