Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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