I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
