woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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