It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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