in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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