Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
