Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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