i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
