How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
