Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
