Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
