yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
