I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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