When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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