remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
