If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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