and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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