That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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