Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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