We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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