There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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