I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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