hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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