you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My pussy is not your playground.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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