I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
