I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Drunk is not a location!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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