but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
