bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
