He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
