She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
me + whiskey = a bad person
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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