I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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