Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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