He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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