My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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