I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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