yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
