I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
