I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
