Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
