they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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