Yo dont text me then not text me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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