There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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