How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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