Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
