Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
