I wish my penis had an off switch
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
