In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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