The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
