Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
