I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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