Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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