you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
