If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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