It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
