hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
the raccoons are back...
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