Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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