I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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