i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
