My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
