Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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