Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
