hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I intend to get homeless drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
