Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
even my farts smell like vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
