I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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