turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
