she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
