the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
