i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
