umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
