Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize