Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
