Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
