I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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